Marriage. Again.

Posted on by
Reply

S and I are married. To me. To us. And hopefully you see this to be true, too. We had our ceremony…you read my joy and heartache surrounding it. But in the wake (albeit long) of our nation’s ignorance and discrimination around it, S and I are not legally married. Yet. This Friday we will be in Maine. Oh, how I love Maine. Mmmmm. There is a small village/town called Belfast and we are meeting with a woman named Denise who is marrying us…legally. And I have hopes that when DOMA is struck down (because it must happen) we will be viewed as legally married every where we go in this country.

For all gay people the issue around marriage and weddings doesn’t always bring the same joy and ease as it may bring to others, i.e. straight people, who, if they chose, can marry a stranger who they met last night. No.questions.asked. Gay people are dragged through challenging debates, invitations that go unanswered to “family” and “friends,” and similar comments made by others that still refer to S as my partner rather than my wife. We still have such a long way to go as a nation in terms of equality and teaching tolerance.

For some of those reasons and others, I have been quiet about this Friday’s event. Here is one main reason: for gay people who do not chose, or are unable, to travel to one of the states that see marriage as something that should be granted to all adults, their ceremonies, weddings, and marriages should be seen as equal and important and worthy of respect and honor by all those around them. I do not look at a marriage of two people around me as less than if they do not hold a marriage certificate. As I said before, S is my wife. We are married.

I’m a Needy Girl

Posted on by
Reply

Hot damn! I hate feeling needy, vulnerable, shy and insecure. But I must remember that these feelings are normal, and good for the ever-smashable ego. To feel worried and uncomfortable in my skin often throws me for a loop. Not that I run around this world feeling that I know everything, have it all figured out, or know just what to do, feel, say, and be in every moment. Quite the contrary. But for some reason, in moments like these, I feel uneasy about it. Other times I feel excited and giddy and powerful in the moments. It is in the stars/universe/world. I am grateful for the wife I have by my side. She and I keep one another afloat when we feel like we are drowning. That’s what its all about. She taught me this. Feeling brave enough to surrender to the sadness, the insecurities, the worry. But just for a short bit. I am not captive to the neediness. But allowing my self to need at all is pretty blissful of a feeling.

Been Busy

Posted on by
Reply

Sorry for being quiet around here for a few weeks. I have been doing secret stuff. Don’t worry-one day you too can be privy to the secret scheming of the Johansen Duo!

Well, the weather here is Florida is chilly-ish and I love it. The chillier the better. Mushy central!

My mantra right now:

(I cannot find the original source of this photo-if you know, please comment)

Linocut Art

Posted on by
Reply

I remember in art class in high school working on creating linocuts. For some reason, my memories of carving the print blocks was difficult but yesterday I felt inspired and took on the challenge. Off I went to the art supply store and bought a set of carving tools and a few carving blocks. It was simple! I love carving! Deciding on the drawing/shape/print is the “hard” part. How detailed? How simplistic? How to remember to leave negative spaces in the “right” places.

I love to craft and make things. I have tons of beads and love to make jewelry. I sew and knit (not very well I might add). I embroider and try to make felted objects (thus far I have failed miserably at the felting). I usually see something in a store or something pops in my mind and I decide to make it. Voila! Off to the store for more supplies.

Later I will post about the linocuts I made and what I am printing on and the sewing….oooooh, the mystery!

For now though, is a few examples of linocuts and samples of how detailed or simplistic you can go. This is a great art form/craft that any one with some crafting experience can do…don’t be intimidated by the extremely detailed and artistic linocuts out there. For some amazing artists, linocuts are their medium…for you, they can be a great way for you to see how creative you can really get with a new medium! Go for it! Be inspired!

This bison is by artist Well-off Man (yes, apparently this is his name-I can ignore it long enough to look at the amazing detail and talent in his work)-click on the pictures for a link:

This simple, geometric linocut is from etsy, from this artist  I love this one….I would love this in black on a natural color tote bag-would be perfect for the library!

And this one is also from etsy but by this artist. This piece is call Black Mountains. I am rather obsessed with mountains and I love this print! Maybe I will make a huge linocut with a  mountain scene with some trees. I have a large piece of block/rubber just begging for a large design.

Have you ever done a linocut? Inspired to start now?

Stay tuned to see what I am making!

For the Love of Coffee

Posted on by
Reply

I really can’t remember when I started drinking coffee. Perhaps it was in my mid-twenties. I bought a french press and never looked back. Not really sure what I would be looking back at once one starts drinking coffee but I digress. Coffee. Ahhhh. I love thee. I make it every morning. The boiling of the water in the copper kettle. The sounds of the steam coming out of the spout. The sound of the grounds absorbing the hot water. Oh, and the smell! Oh, god the smell! Ok…I’m coming down now. But, seriously, coffee does something to me. I feel at home and calm when I have a cup of delicious coffee in my hand. Cradled between my two palms. Maybe, for me, it is part of being an adult…a woman. Perhaps the daily mundane is comfortable for many reasons. Routine. Ritual. The knowing what comes next. Whatever it is…I love it all.

Apparently, sometimes coffee is scary:

Are you a huge fan of coffee? If so, how do you make it…. percolator? Coffee maker? Pod machine?

Being Married and a Few Words on Love

Posted on by
Reply

I have been uber sentimental lately. Could be the holiday season. Could be because another state just legalized gay marriage. Or should I say equal marriage? Marrying S over a year ago (we are still newlyweds!) was the most authentic thing I have ever done. Letting love in. Trusting another person. Being vulnerable. Believing in her love for me. Giving and nurturing my love for her. Being committed, through thick and thin, for the long haul, with her feels right. This isn’t all to say that life is always easy or blissful. Rather, this past year has been a struggle for both of us. Health issues. Me changing jobs after being at the same non profit for 10 years. And all of the anguish, disappointment and hard reality that brought me to the hard decision to leave. Money worries. Death of my Omar. Stress. Family stuff. The issues we have with where we live and our desire to be somewhere else. The usual life stuff. Through all of it, S and I had each other. We cried and laughed and supported each other.

For all of this I am lucky. Lucky that not only do I have a wife…a solid and equal partner, but I have a best friend who I am married to. I get to wake up everyday and feel lucky that she picked me to call her home. And I am sure this all sounds sappy but that is ok. I am allowing you to see this. This is something full of good and happy and joy and I am proud of all of it. We both worked damn hard to get here in our lives. We have both grown into the incredible women that we are now with each other’s support and guidance and sometimes, blatant honesty. And when the news is full of shootings and sadness and despair, it’s easy to get caught up in the utter and complete suffering of the world around us. These are the moments where I close in and feel grateful for my daily dose of serenity. The long haul of marriage. Marriage is the promise and dedication to never giving up on ourselves or each other. It is the sticking through the shit storm that life sometimes feels like. Its the laughing until we cry and wonder if other couples are as ridiculous as we are. And ultimately, it is the recognizing the heart of the other and seeing the truth inside.

My wish for everyone this year is to feel love. Pure and simple. Hard and fierce. Difficult and worthy. Joyful and silly. Just open up to the pulse of your own heart.

 

Going Gluten Free and Me

Posted on by
Reply

On Saturday we cleaned out our fridge, freezer and pantry of all gluten filled products and foods. And, holy hell, our cupboards were bare! It is shocking how many items contain gluten! Especially when you eat the fake meat substitues, i.e. veggie sausage, veggie bacon, etc. First ingredient is GLUTEN! My reason(s) for going gluten free are many. But the main reason is that I have been told by a doctor (whom I respect) that I should go gluten free (and caffefine free-won’t do it yet!) and that my health issue will perhaps get better/become less bothersome, etc. So, after a year and a half since he suggested this, I took the plunge. It took me some time to decide if I truly wanted to do this. It is not a diet, it is not a way of eating, rather it is a way of life and the way we chose to eat and how we consume. Period. Eating gluten free has already shown me, in 4 short days, that eating at home, and cooking meals, preparing our snacks, all have been teaching me to be more mindful about what I put into my body.

I have always been pretty conscious of ingredients and such in my foods but I am easily swayed by something quick and easy while jumping or running from one activity to another. Even though I am a homebody and S and I don’t really do much with regard to a social life, we do happen to eat out quite a bit. Pizza. Mexican. Sushi. Sports bars. Fast food such as: Taco Bell (ick) or Burger Kings veggie burger. And I know that eating out isn’t always the best health option for my body. And I do like cooking and preparing a meal. The past four days have allowed S and I to be in the kitchen together. Side by side making lunches and dinners and breakfasts. We had snacks of delicious cheeses and huckleberry honey (yum!). We had simple black bean and cheese on corn tortilla quesadillas last night. I packed us lunch today of a fresh baby green salad with feta and black olives and a perfectly ripened avocado! All to be eaten with a side of baked tofu that I made last night with a drizzle of teriyaki marinade and honey mustard and some spices. Oh, I’m getting hungry.

Are you gluten free? Any tips?

 

Project 365

Posted on by
Reply

Later today I will begin my Project 365! Pictures of me, my feet, my earlobes, anything, everything and some odd self portraits…anything and everything I want! The struggle for me will be to remember to take a photo everyday and post it. It’s so easy to get so busy and involved with everything else in my day-to-day stuff. But that is why it is a project…something to work on. Follow me on instagram. @ejsiege

Happy 2013!  A year for happiness and planning and adventures and lots of love!

 

It’s Easy to Get Caught Up

Posted on by
Reply

It’s so very easy to get swooped up with the holiday season and be immersed in the blog posts full of gift ideas and last minute shopping sites. It is easy to feel inept with not having made a beautifully crafted present for every friend and acquaintance. I think that when we, with the power of the internet, begin to compare ourselves to the portrayed successes of other people (especially women) we can begin to feel like we fall short. I haven’t been consistently blogging for how-ever-many years. I don’t have an incredible small business that we run (yet!). I don’t make home-cooked meals every night. Sometimes it is hummus and cheese. Other times it is chips. I don’t have a book published (like this fabulous lady!). I have a drawer (actually, a few desktop folders) full of short stories mocking the send key on my keyboard. (Yes, a send key. In my writer brain the enter key is the send key when submitting my writings to a literary journal, editor, etc.).

I come home from my long days at the office, grab a glass of wine, and sit my butt down in front of another episode of the Housewives of Somewhere and I zone off into a land of not having to answer questions, solve problems, schmooze, or just be the professional, powerhouse of a woman (maybe only in my mind!). I have stacks of sewing projects and needlepoint projects sitting in the closet. I have a stash of yarn from fabulous yarn shops with many beautiful scarves created in my brain (I am still at the knit, and barely pearl, stage of knitting so scarves it is!). (Why does the word scarves look weird right now? Is it scarfs? Damn spell check is allowing both versions of the word. Ok, well, we are dealing with it)

I guess what this whole rambling is leading up to is this: all bloggers (it’s true-I have seen the posts), and crafters and homemakers, and perhaps all women, probably feel like everyone else is more organized,  more pulled together, more creative, more successful, further ahead in their careers, better dressed, successful organic vegetable gardeners (as opposed to having 2 large raised beds full of weeds and heirloom tomato plants from the 1800′s that you continually murder), cleaner homes, finished renovation projects (and the money to complete them), happier families, thicker wallets, fancier makeup, better hair, better stocked book shelves, etc. etc. (I understand if you stop reading this now. It does sound so superficial but you know what? I am turning over a new leaf and turning off the perfectionism button).

I wish that I could say that I don’t compare myself against the successes of others. I wish that I could tell you that I don’t have a list of things I want. I wish that I could tell you that every time Fossil or Lucky Brand (or that damned J Crew) comes out with a new brown leather bag/boots that I simply turn the page of the catalog and think, oh, I have enough brown leather bags. And truthfully, I do say, oh, I have enough leather bags, but I sometimes get this odd sense that I need something (new ipad, phone, boots, eames chairs, etc.) and that success or happiness means having that something. I didn’t say that any of this is rational. It just is. And for right now it is what it is. Greed? Perfectionism? Unfullfillment (not even a word but I am ok with this)? Distraction? Inspiration? Misdirected/misplaced sense of purpose? Who even knows!? I sure don’t. At least right now I don’t. But I guess this is where a few things come into play for my New Year. 2013 is the year where I will be attempting to strip away, peel back, uncover the reasons for all that lays inside of me and my desires to be more, better, perfect. My 365Project will be a self portrait a day for the purpose of showing myself as human (zits and all) and also finding the beauty in myself. Beginning to actually like the pictures I take of myself. Maybe even…are you ready for this…maybe you should sit down…maybe beginning to LOVE myself. Gasp! Shocking idea, eh? Well, maybe this is where all of this comes from. And even if it isn’t the reason, it sounds like a good place to start.

My dear friend Kristin, while handing me my Christmas present said, don’t be offended. We both laughed as she then said, I guess those words aren’t the best thing to hear when recieving a present. And you know what? Her present was perfect. She gave me a book called Be Happy without Being Perfect by Alice D. Domar, Ph.D. and Alice Lesch Kelly. And I will read the book. I will chew it up, digest it, let it swim around in my brain, find places for the truth to begin to reside. All while not beating myself up that I don’t have my Ph. D. like the author does. I know…I sound hopeless! Ha!

*If you, too, have written about this same/similar topic, please comment and link to your blog.

*I can’t find the location/original place this picture is from. Pinterest takes me to some random url of the picture. (If you know, please share.)